“Self” suicide

After the tuition episode, where I met Spandana for the first time, I was lost, her bright eyes which would shed tears whenever she would laugh, haunted my thoughts repeatedly for the entire day. I rode early to the school and sat on the pavilion staring at the moving clouds while listening to the chirping of birds and a distant vehicle’s zipping past the well laid RV road behind, blending with bicycle bells. Chilly early morning Bangalore winds blew over my ever-shabby hair, pleasant petichor formed due to early morning August shower and golden yellow tinge of steadily rising sun comforted me. I sat cross legged unusually happy with just Spandana on my thoughts.

Darshan entered the school campus after sometime, he noticed me sitting all alone in a corner with unusually calm expression, he came towards me and said come let’s play, I followed him blinsenses was totally unfocussed he hurled the ball in the air towards me expecting that I would catch it, but I was lost in thoughts, the ball hit my face, after that I came to my senses and shouted, “careful you bastard!!”, my white face had turned red on one side. Darshan came running towards me angrily and shouted, ” where are you lost??” And continued “what’s wrong with you? Is it her ? Ever since you saw her you are totally gone, be careful, you are  commiting ‘self’ suicide”,  I replied condescendingly ” what the fuck is self suicide?, you moron its just one fucking word, just suicide” saying this I walked away.

Darshan regained his composure and gave a teasing look, I picked my bag and entered the prayer hall, thinking if Darshan was actually right, yes, he was right, at that age I didn’t have the maturity to handle a relationship. I was infatuated and was totally lost in thoughts, I was actually heading towards”self suicide”


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